Insignificant

Number 2 is a beautiful, strong, independent woman. I met her in 1999, when she was a beautiful, strong, independent girl. I don't think she really wanted to like me then, but she did want to be respectful and honor her father, so she tried. She feels everything very deeply, but she does not allow everyone to see what she feels. She is careful who she opens herself up to, in order to protect herself from being hurt. Although I know that she cares about me, she does not really need me very much. I have always felt a little insignificant to her…sort of just there, but not necessary. She takes care of her son, works, and has a mother and 2 sisters who help her whenever she needs them. I am her stepmother, which is a very delicate balance at times. I cannot force myself on her as a mother, because she already has one. I want her to know that I am always here for her and that it's ok for her to come to me. I think we have always loved each other as family is supposed to, but it was a love of duty rather than feeling.

 

Over the years we have shared many milestones such as proms, graduations, birthdays, funerals, holidays, births, and weddings. I fell head over heels in love with her on one of those days: when she gave birth to her son, who is technically by blood not mine, but in the depths of my heart my first grandbaby. As I watched her suffer the pains of childbirth, a one-sided bonding happened. I forgot all the times she chose to do something I didn't agree with. I let go of my decisions of how she needed to live her life. I looked at her in that bed and saw a young woman becoming a mother and thought about all the new changes ahead of her. I saw myself in her then, and I realized that I had seen myself in her before when she made choices that I didn't like for her. I didn't want her to make the same mistakes that I had, and I got upset when I thought she had. All of those old feelings went away and I just loved her. I knew then that I was just supposed to keep on loving her and be ready in case she ever needs me. I never told her anything I went through that day. I knew that the words might not mean anything to her yet, and to say them might have even pushed her away, so I kept them to myself.

 

So yesterday when she came to my birthday party and gave me a card and a gift, I just hugged her and told her how much I appreciated it. Then when the party was over I took out the card and read it again and again, and I wept. I realized then that I have not been insignificant to her. The card said "You've made my world softer, my heart bigger, my life…well, I can't imagine what it would be without you. Thanks for loving me like a mother." Now I know that Hallmark printed those words, but SHE chose them for me out of all the birthday cards in that store. And I weep again, because now I know that at some time she began to feel me loving her. Maybe I can never do anything else that helps her, but if I love her that is enough.

 

The thing to know is that I didn't do any of this…God did. I'm just writing it down. He healed me and taught me to love in a new way…unconditionally. God came into that labor and delivery room with us that day and let me look at her with new eyes. His Greatness overwhelms me.