November 1982
How did I get here? As I ponder the timeline of my life, I wonder if there is a specific day I can label as the starting point of this torment. There are so many possibilities. Maybe it was the day I met him. Or the day I had sex with him. Is it the day my family moved to Galveston? Or the day my mother divorced my stepfather? Maybe it was the day she brought another man home. Or was it the day that my father died? It might have been a day when I was feeling rejected by my grandmother. Or any of the days we didn’t know where mom was and why we couldn’t see her. Or the day my sister and I moved in with my grandparents? Was it the day my mother divorced my dad? Did it begin when I was being molested? Or maybe it was the day I was born. It could have been the day God knit me in my mother’s womb. Was this written before I was physically manifested? Surely God knew what I would do long before I could form a thought.
4 comments:
I too have a story to tell. I'm not sure if you are at the beginning of your journey or somewhere in the middle. I started my recover maybe 10 yrs ago and things got worked out, settled, forgiven and I changed for the better. Just last week several events triggered memories and all the emotions that I thought I had dealt with returned. Now I'm back on the road to determine what happened this time and how do I fix it. I'll be here for you if you need a sounding board. Always helps to talk about it.... at least for me. ~Yvonne Arredondo
Thanks, Yvonne...I have been healed from this event for some time now, but then someone close to my family went through this and it brought back so many memories. God had told me some time ago that I was to prepare myself to share it, and it seems now is the time. Keeping it a secret has been easy for me...telling people about my shame is more difficult even than actually remembering. Just say a prayer for me now and then to be BOLD and strong. I would love to hear your story whenever you are ready to share it.
I have no issues sharing my story. I've done so many of times. It appears to be very similiar to yours. Abusive step-father that my mother still lives with to this day. I've been to so many therapist it takes both hands to count them all. Been to support groups, etc. I've just recently have forgiving my mom. But the memories and the nightmares are sometimes triggered and it feels like I've lost control and I have to work to remain who I am / become.
I've written many journals but I nvr go bk and re-read what I've written and when the journal is full I throw it away as if disposing of that portion of my life.
I'll pray for you and will be here if needed.
Btw... Mr. Gilbert and the Singers were my escape also. A fragment of the day that I knew would be pleasent.
~Yvonne Garcia
Yvonne, it really hurts to know how much we had in common back then. Please forgive me for being so self-absorbed that I never got to know you better. I always thought you were so pretty and cool and so you must not have any problems like me. (How dumb) I know that you are doing the right thing by beginning to forgive. It is one of the hardest things to do, but it has to happen. I can tell you that forgiving the people who hurt me was the only way I could heal. Once I did that, God started an amazing amount of repairs to my soul. I will be praying hard for you!
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